It’s funny how quickly your life can change. You can be in a pattern for months even years and in a matter of moments everything is different. Losing someone important to you has a way of making that happen.

It’s been 8 years since I lost someone important to me. I forgot how much it affects you. It opens your eyes to all of the things you’ve been avoiding in life. Losing my grandmother has made me re-evaluate a few things I’ve been juggling recently. After four and a half years of ups and downs, my ex and I decided to finally part ways. We were trying so hard to make things work that we couldn’t admit it wasn’t working. Collectively we decided that we’re much better friends. Agreeing to try and be genuine friends with him was something I needed. That whole the tough decision is the right decision could not be more true. Admitting to myself that we weren’t connecting emotionally only came after being in a pure emotional state. Losing my grandmother helped push me to make the tough choice. I’m hopeful that our love for one another can help us be friends and maybe it’s the hope of being friends that will get us through letting go. I know that in the end we will both be okay.

Now dealing with these two losses in my life I can focus on myself. I can finish out my 27th year working harder to build myself and hopefully become my own boss. I can force myself into making tough decisions and out of my comfort zone. I’m going to actually consider relocating and not just toying with the idea. I’m going to start by continuing to write, because it really does help, and make my blog a lifestyle blog.

After a week of hurt, loss and love I’m going to 100% focus on myself. Stop looking for a perfect companion to compliment myself. Stop trying to find answers in death. Learn to love myself and accept that death is a part of life. Cancer sucks, break ups suck, and self love is hard. Saying goodbye in love and saying your final goodbye to a loved one is hard.