New decade, stronger heart, better teeth and maybe a cleansed liver…guess we will see.

I spent the last decade battling heart disease. Seriously, in 2010 everything started to go haywire. In the last 10 years, I have had 5 out of my 8 heart surgeries. I have spent (my whole life) but all of my twenties worrying about my heart. I’ve lived in fear, with anxiety and stress. I’ve battled serious depression. Don’t get me wrong, I had good years. Years where everything seemed to be fixed and okay. But, then I had years when I had major surgeries within a few weeks of one another. The past 10 years has been one HELL of a journey. You learn so much about yourself when you fear death. With every surgery and every dose of anesthesia I would silently beg myself to wake up. My only want was to be strong enough to endure what was being done and to wake up in that recovery room. The pain afterward didn’t matter. The life long limitations didn’t either and it’s because of that word LIFE. All I wanted from this decade was to make it out alive.

I am happy to announce that I have made it out of the 2010s and with a new lease on life. I spent time in the hospital last week and spent the whole month of December trying new medications. We have FINALLY found a combination that is seemingly working. I feel genuinely better. I feel good about it. I didn’t want to take medication for the rest of my days, but if that’s what it takes then that’s what I will do. So this decade and new year will not be about that whole “new year new me” crap. I’ve found that my resolutions come at all times and working to better yourself daily is far better than any false promises for a few weeks in January. This decade and new year will be about no longer living with the fear of not waking up. I got too close to it a couple of times and I never want to do that again. This decade I will get to focus on really living my life instead of silently fighting for it.

I write this as I take my morning dose of medication. I have to smile about it all because 10 years ago I would never have thought I would’ve gone through everything I did. And at one point I thought taking medication indefinitely was the worst thing that could happen. I’d say cheers to a decade of no heart surgeries but I will not make any promises because problems can always arise. Plus I have to have my pacemaker batteries changed in the next two years. But, here is to a decade of not living in fear. And to actually wearing my Invisalign for the next two months so I can have the smile I want this decade. I really have got to get better about remembering to wear those. Also, are we bringing back the roaring twenties? Because if so I picked the wrong decade to start out with dry January…

Happy New Year from my partner in crime and myself 🎉

One thought on “New decade, stronger heart, better teeth and maybe a cleansed liver…guess we will see.

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